Gray Matter Monsoon

January 2012

2012-01-27T12:09:00.000-08:00

It's gorgeous, the sun is shining, the weather is mild... Too mild for January.
I'm keeping pace with one of the dogs on a walk; the peaceful sound of claws clicking on asphalt is slowly being muffled by the sounds of kids playing in the schoolyard.
Shrieks, laughter and shouting, "Emily! Come get me!" "Dylan, pass me the ball!" "Aaaiiiiiieeeeeeee, you can't catch me!!!!!"

This audible chaos is matched by the jarring visuals of every colour and combination of snowpants, jackets, scarves, mitts and hats imaginable.... It's a palette straight out of a crayon box....

Colours so vibrant, in motion, reeling... For a moment, it takes me a while to focus on the negative space between them... The flaxen dull green of dormant grass...

These little tykes are all dressed up, with no snow to play in.

It really only strikes me as sad when I see two of the brightly dressed children taking turns pulling each other over the dead grass on a bright red sled.

Out of work obstacle course.

2012-01-10T05:10:00.001-08:00

Well, I have recently found myself unemployed, with the cushion of a little bit of time to relax and actually enjoy it. This is a fantastic position to be in, and one that I do not intend to waste!
Yesterday was day one. The first day of not going to work. I had an appointment first thing in the morning, at the unemployment office, and I caught myself wondering: "wouldn't it be embarassing if those old neural pathways just guided my way, and I end up at the office?"
Luckily it didn't happen, but just imagine!?

Monday was very smooth, I had a lot of errands to run, so it kept me busy, and I even found myself up against a mental challenge, even before leaving the house. Trying to be thrifty, I made myself a thermos of tea to take with me (avoiding the urge to buy said tea) Taking the tea bags out was a trick - the mouth of the thermos was too small to wedge them out with a spoon, and it was still early, so the synapses were firing, although weakly, and I thought, "This is your big, unemployed challenge of the day!"
Chopsticks made short work of the issue, and my thermos was set to go.

Later in the day, I was telling Don about my the big hurdle i'd overcome early in my day, and it made me laugh to imagine myself in an interview sometime, being asked by a potential employer to explain a recent challenge I'd had to overcome.
"Well," I'd say, "There was this one time, when I made tea in my thermos..."

Here's to overcoming obstacles, even the little ones!

xmas day hike with the dogs

2011-12-25T14:38:00.000-08:00

Now that we are back home, we had a little walk with the dogs.... some pics...

Occidental Grand Xcaret

2011-12-25T14:00:00.001-08:00

During our trip, we stayed at the Occidental Grand Xcaret, actually a really nice resort, maybe one of the nicest we have stayed at. While in Mexico, we visited the Xcaret park, dove in some local cenotes, climbed an ancient Mayan Temple (Coba) and won a beach volleyball tourney just hours before catching our plane home :)
check out some of our pictures here - once I am less sleep deprived, I will blog more about all of our experiences!

Chac Mool dec 2011

2011-12-25T09:45:00.000-08:00

We travelled to Mexico for the first time this year, from Dec 17 to Dec 24. I'd have to say that the most amazing thing we did was dive in the cenotes. This is a network of underground rivers and caves running throughout the Yucatan penninsula. It was amazing. We dove in areas where there was NO natural light, the light in your hand was the only light you had. We popped up in an air pocket beneath some roots from the trees growing in the rocks over our heads. While we were in there, we heard the rumble of the other tour vans leaving the area, RIGHT OVER OUR HEADS! Carlos, our guide told us that the rock above us was probably about 5 feet thick. Amazing.

We had a really great time, we dove as a group of three, just the two of us with Carlos. I'd highly recommend him as a guide for the area, he took great care of us, even brought us lunch.
He knows so much about the area and the history - both geologic and cultural. I've got his contact info if anyone wants to look him up.

Breaking up with facebook?

2011-11-21T10:05:00.000-08:00

Recently, I've begun thinking of breaking it off with facebook. Somehow, we've drifted apart. Maybe it's me, and not you, Facebook.... but I just don't feel as excited about our relationship anymore.
Really, the only thing that we do together anymore is email people I would already be in contact with on a regular basis. And, to be honest, I have other tools for that. I don't want to make you feel bad, but good old hotmail is fine for that.
I know, you're a pretty good place for posting pictures, that's right. But there are lots of other places I can post pictures that don't have marketing attached to the sidebars. There, I said it, I guess that's what bothers me most about you facebook... It's the corporate creepin' you have going on on the side. Kinda weirds me out.
In fact, there is a portion of my job that I'm told I can't do without a facebook account. Well, I draw the line there. There is no need for me to combine my facebook page and my job. And I'm not about to start a "legit" page that I can use for work. That's just too much work. And right now, my private page, that's my page, and it's not there for people from work to look at. I need some safe place, where I can be me... And facebook, you just don't seem like it anymore.

So, yeah, I am thinking of breaking it off with you. Once I collect all those emails from people, I guess it will be over.

from the 3:15 experiment

2011-04-10T08:44:00.000-07:00

pushing forward and upwards
bit foggy
bermuda triangle? sometimes it feels like

I'm lost
sea tossed
and wind beaten

Fuzz inside my head
words escaping me

Overwhelmed

Need a glimpse of the light,
the beacon, that moment of clarity
to bring me back
Grounding me
Homeward
Back to what was never lost.

herd mentality

2011-04-06T08:43:00.000-07:00

Toronto.
Rush hour.

I am crammed onto the narrow platform with countless other bodies.
Bodies, that’s all we are here

- there are very few minds present.

All trying to focus on something, somewhere or somewhen else.

We’re all working so hard to ignore the sound,
the sight,
the pressure
and the smell

of being packed together on this platform

with the bodies of so many

Strangers.

The train arrives
the mob bursts into the train, it’s every body for itself

Scrambling for a seat, a pole to grasp, an entry way to lean on,
or, at the very least a position between two other bodies that don’t smell too bodily

Still, all the while ignoring the humanity in bulk that surrounds us.

There are so many stories here.
So many individuals here.

So much angst, happiness, sickness, grief, anxiety, boredom, jealousy, struggle, loss, fear, success, hunger, sleeplessness, greed, sex, exasperation, imagination, paranoia, and...

loneliness.

It’s the overwhelming loneliness that gets me.

So crowded and so very lonely.

the 3:15 experiment

2011-04-05T12:38:00.000-07:00

I have recently been working at my writing again, and while I was looking for inspiration, I found something called the 3:15 experiment. The premise is simple. Set your alarm for 3.15 - yes, that's am - and when it wakes you - write - it can be simple, long, stream of consciousness, anything.

So, I am trying to keep a log of these pieces, apparently part of the experiment is NOT going back to read the pieces, just to write them and be done with them. We'll see what transpires...

My Happy Place

2008-05-04T06:14:00.001-07:00

In April, I had the most amazing vacation. It helped that I was totally in NEED of a vacation, I was completely stressed and burnt out. This place was exactly what I needed.
We went to Anthony's Key Resort in Roatan, Bay Islands, Honduras, and I was blown away. The first morning I woke up there, this was my waking thought: "this is the most beautiful place I've ever woken up, I want to come back!" - and my week's stay had barely begun.
What makes this place so amazing, is, uhh, EVERTHING...
First of all, it's a dive resort - so that pretty much trumps every other place I'd been right there. They have this amazing fleet of probably 12-15 new, shiny, well-run dive boats. Their dive staff is wonderful. Put your gear on the boat, and the rest is looked after - they switch your tanks for you, help you in and out of the boat... our dive master, Alonso, was totally laid back, a really approachable guy. Richard our boat captain was also amazing, he was always there when i needed to lift my tank laden BCD onto my shoulders - he watched carefully for anyone struggling with their gear. The boat we were on was called the Trevor, if you're looking for these two guys, this is where you can find them.
The diving was great. Turns out, the Bay Islands are located on the second largest barrier reef on earth, and it was the healthiest reef I'd ever seen. I saw large barrel coral over 5 feet tall, and probably 3 feet across; brain coral which was probably 4-5 feet across - loads of fish - all the usual suspects, blue tang, cowfish, clownfish,parrotfish... Angelfish, french and queen, in their romantic pairings, gliding over the reefs together... these were so plentiful, they became a secret favourite of mine, because they weren't as frightened of us, so they were visible for long periods of time. I could hang in one spot and watch them for quite some time.
We saw an eagle ray on one dive, he came gliding along the wall we were diving, it was amazing - this was the first one I'd seen underwater. The first live eagle ray I'd seen was spotted in the channel at the resort only a night or two earlier. So this was a big deal for me.
Turtles, yes, we saw lots of turtles - and my heart skips a little everytime I see them.
We saw barracuda and groupers - and one barracuda in particular was incredible, her name was Angelina, and she was probably more than 4 feet long. She was spotted as a juvenile, and the divemasters would feed her everyday, so she has stayed in the same section of reef for the last 4 years. She was amazing, and so comfortable with divers, she swam close enough we could see the shape of individual teeth. She and the groupers were very fast and powerful... again, I could have watched forever.

On our night dive, we saw an enormous king crab... his body alone was about 5-6" thick, and his legs all curled up around him must have measured about a 2-3' span. He was pretty neat. Then we saw lots of lobster, who look a bit like they are wearing disco sequins under water... they are just covered with bright spots in the light. We saw some octopi, which are amazing, because they move like liquid mercury across the reef, the whole time changing colours like crazy, trying to get out of our lights. The most impressive one went from a deep reddish colour to a bright aqua turquoise mixed with purple in an instant. It was interesting to see the fish sleeping on the bottom, many of them were kind of tipped over, against a rock or piece of coral, like a child's toy that had been dropped there. I hear you can pick them up while they are sleeping, turn them upside down, etc... I didn't try that. I feel completely reverent underwater, and I instinctually try to lessen my impact, so I normally don't screw around much down there...
The highlight of the trip was the shark dive - speaking of being filled with reverence, this was the most amazing thing i'd seen. Admittedly, it was a bit of an attaction. It's not like this is not a highly organized and repeated activity, these sharks are used to groups of divers... so these are wild sharks, but let's just say, they're acquainted with the proceedings. I'd still love to see a shark in the wild, for real, but I'm told that once they see our clumsy shapes and hear our loud bubbles coming, they get the hell out of duke. Too bad, but maybe not such a bad thing.
Anyway, this dive was amazing. The dive master puts us with our backs to a wall at a depth of 70 feet. The sharks commune once they see the first divers coming down the line, they know this is their cue. Once the group is at the bottom, and the divemaster has assessed the current and the sharks, he tells us we can swim off the wall - and this is an amazing moment. Your field of view is filled with sharks, most of whom are about 4-8 feet long, and you have a safe, large wall at your back - at this exact moment, i wanted nothing more than to leave the comfort of the rock behind me and float amongst the sharks... so we did.
This was the most relaxing dive we had. There is nothing to do but hover, move slowly through the water, observing the sleek, powerful sharks flexing and gliding through the water... they were breathtaking. They were beautiful, they were impressive, and looked to be highly engineered gliding machines. Their skin is amazing up close. I hung in the water looking all around, as sharks slid underneath me, in front of me, around me... wow... just amazing.
We did about 3 dives per day - and because the resort was filled with divers, this was a great conversation topic, so by the end of the week, you'd talked to everyone, and made many friends. It's a small resort, probably about 150 - 180 guests, and because they are mostly divers, they are mostly cool.
I say mostly, because there were some disappointing divers there. Seems not everyone shares my underwater sense of awe. I saw and heard stories of divers bracing themselves against coral to steady themselves or a camera shot. I watched divers with cameras race across an area to film some amazing creature, henceforth frightening forementioned creature out of visible range for ANY of us, not just their fancy cameras. But these types of divers, who would become known as wankerfish as the week progressed, were few and far between. Still disappointing representatives of homo sapiens, though.
Ahh, the wankerfish, once thought to be scarce, actually more prevalent than I had thought. The wankerfish is that diver on your boat who has more gear than you could shake your snorkel at, has better dive stories than anyone, and thinks this is the most boring, pathetic dive ever, because they've just seen and dove it all, you poor uninformed, inexperienced, ill-equipped novice, you. So, yes, they do exist, just try to steer clear of them, especially if they are barreling past you underwater to chase some poor sea creature away with their camera.

There are a couple other impressive pieces of AKR's amazing dive operation I can't leave unmentioned. They have these great dive lockers, right on the dock where you can store your gear between dives and over night. This is brilliant, because you don't have to haul your gear around with you each time you prep and leave a dive. Also, they have an amazing contingency plan for inclement weather. Roatan is a skinny island, something like 3k across - so if it's too rough on the AKR side, this is the plan. Load up your gear on your dive boat, and the boats depart for the opposite side of the island, with your gear, but not you. You get to take a comfortable ride over in a bus, no sea sickness required. You reach the boat on the calm side, feeling steady and ready for some diving! It's brilliant! They've even built a facility on that side of the island, complete with a gorgeous swimming pool and restaurant, a beach, a gift shop, and most important, spacious, spotless bathrooms. In case this impression has eluded you thus far - these guys have their shit together!

The resort itself is amazing. Most of the rooms are located on the key, a tiny island located across the channel from the main property of the resort. On the main island, you have the entrance, restauarant, marine institute, dive shop, med clinic, complete with a hyberbaric chamber. (see last comment of previous paragraph) The key, which is a short boat ride across the channel, has most of the rooms, which are built on stilts raised above the beach, rocks or the ocean, depending on the location of your room.

We had room 42 - probably the best room i could imagine. We faced west, and the balcony was equipped with hammocks, for your sunset viewing pleasure. We opted for a room without glass windows and no air conditioning. This was very comfortable, because the screened windows have been equipped with louvres, which can be opened or closed to keep out light and breeze or let it all in. It was beautiful - each morning, i woke at about 6am to the sound of the waves rolling in below my windows, the rustle of the palms and the cooing of the doves...except on the rainy days, which opened with crows cawing, apparently the doves took the rainy days off.
We only had a couple rainy days, the rest was amazing. And we were diving, so what's a little rain?
The food at this place is amazing. The kitchen staff really know what they are doing, the portions are generous without being gluttonous, their fresh homemade soups are wonderful, every meal includes a soup and salad. And you have to look for Celasse and buy this man's hot sauce- he makes it himself, hot peppers, some coconut, it's amazing.. take some home with you!
I feel like I came away from this place happy, relaxed, and with some new friends i hope to see again.

I'll have to update this later, I have more to say, but not enough time right now...

Check out the resort

Breakfast of champions....

2008-02-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

So… this morning, I was trying to get to work early, like 7.45am instead of 8.15 am – it’s only half an hour, but considering 8.15 is hard enough for me to manage, getting in half an hour earlier was a real feat!

I woke up, pretty foggy, but I managed to get myself into an upright position and stumble my way into the shower.

After the shower, I let the dogs out, and back in again, and fed all my furry creatures, and put the kettle on to boil. I normally pop a teabag in my mug as soon as I grab it, but I remember thinking this morning, NO - - THIS MORNING YOU NEED COFFEE….. (this was said in a very loud, foggy voice in my head) So, I prep my coffee, I have a little filter that sits on top of the mug, so I can make one cup at a time, directly into the mug.

And I’m having my toast and coffee - - in a total haze - -when I get to the bottom of the mug, I see this weird lump… it was a teabag ! I had put a teabag in my mug, as usual, and then made coffee right over it!

Don't bother trying this at home: For the uninitiated, the assumed extra jolt of caffeine this may or may not provide wears off as quickly (sadly) as if I had only selected one of these beverages. But I have to say, it really didn't taste all that bad, I drink pretty strong coffee, so that's all I tasted...

Name that Flower!

2007-05-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

I can't stay away from the flowers, even on vacation!

2007-04-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

This is OBVIOUSLY where we belong, isn't it?

and more...

2007-04-30T19:01:00.000-07:00

Cayo Largo pictures

2007-04-30T18:33:00.000-07:00

Cayo Largo trip

2007-04-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

Oh My DOG - I'm in love -- with Cayo Largo. This tiny little island in a chain of islands on the Carribean side of Cuba is just plain amazing!
Let me first say that if you are looking for a holiday with lots of partying, tonnes of people piled on top of each other in small spaces, and youngsters drinking their faces off, this is not the place for you - you should go google Cancun - - like, now.
Okay, so for the rest of us, this place is amazing! I can't say enough good things about it! The sand, for one, is amazing. It's a light bone colour, and it never ever ever gets hot! It feels comfy and cool on your feet even on the hottest day. There are only 5 resorts on this island, and the beach stretches for a long long time, so most people spread out, and if you're willing to walk a bit, you can have your own private segment of beach. And since the sand is almost white, the water appears a beautiful pale turquoise... its breathtaking. And then there is the snorkelling. We have seen more life just snorkelling in Cayo Largo than we've seen on many of our past scuba dives! Snorkelling no more than a couple hundred metres out from the beach we met several charming barracuda; a big giant barracuda type thing which we have not yet identified, nor did we hang out with this chap long, he was pretty intimidating; a Turtle - snorkelling, we saw a big greenback turtle; several stingrays, different colours and sizes each; a big-ass grouper, he was cool; jellyfish; cuttle fish; a school of about 300 tarpon came whizzing around us for a few brief and hectic moments; fish, fish and more many fish on the reefs... rays shadowing you as you walk along the beach. Above the water were Pelicans all over the beach - iguanas all over the island, some of whom will share your ham and cheese sandwich for lunch. Amazing bugs, beautiful flora, a 2 metre crocodile, and at least a dozen charming little cats running around the resort. And the island is half nature preserve, with a turtle incubation area to help bolster the sea turtle population.

This is Maria, a 60 year old greenback sea turtle who comes to the incubation centre to lay her eggs.

Oh ya, and tonnes of anole type lizards, and mourning doves, hummingbirds, lots of other birds I can't identify. Basically, if you love animals and beautiful scenery without too many homo sapiens around, this is the place for you.
Sadly, the week we were there, the homo sapiens count was just high enough to book up all of the deep dives, so we only did a shallow one... it was okay, but unless you're a beginner, I don't recommend it, for most of the dive we were 9-20 feet, not really much more than snorkelling with a whole bunch of extra equipment!
The resort we stayed at was the Sol Cayo Largo - a really great place, we'll definately be returning here again!

There is hope!

2007-03-23T12:00:00.000-07:00

There is a light at the end of this tunnel (which could at any time close on us and become another dark age, by the way)
That light comes in the form of THINKING PEOPLE. Yes, they are out there - you might be one yourself! I know they exist because of websites like this:
Seed Magazine

and this:
Sex, Drugs and DNA

Enjoy these decadent slices of hope and spread the word!

Sheeple Rousing

2007-03-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

Writing that last post has reminded me of a couple other shining moments in recent sheeple history, both provided by the CBC.

Sheeple Date – unfortunately, I can’t remember when exactly these “news”casts incited my rage, but they did, and it was recent. I’d say within the last two weeks for sure.

Thing One
A delectable little story the CBC presented which stated that 50% of the youth currently being held in a dentention centre type of scenario are the “product” of social services (ie children’s aid, etc) This little gem led them to air such concerns as “Is our system of social services failing these kids?“ Now, at first listen, this seems like a valid point – it is unfair if these detained youth are being detained due to their involvement with a social service – after all, kids at the mercy of these social services are obviously at a huge disadvantage to begin with, and to think that they make up half the kids in a detention centre… hey, wait… half, yes, they said 50% didn’t they. Hmm… let’s stop and think about that one… Half - - which means that kids who are the “product” of the social services system have EXACTLY the same chance of ending up in a detention centre as kids raised in a traditional family system…. Sooo… what they are saying here is that they have no story at all to report, and they should stop worrying about the failure of our social services, maybe they should be lauding the social services – after all, they are doing just as good a job as the old mom and pop shops of the “traditional family!” How do you like them bad apples?

Thing Two
This one is totally insipid.
The CBC did an investigation at arenas in seven cities across the country to determine what the air quality was like in these arenas. Their main concern was that the ice-cleaning machines were chugging out too much pollution for the air filtration systems of these arenas to handle. So, they tested the air quality, and determined that 24% of the arenas had air that was fairly sketchy, and 14% of these arenas had air quality that had pollutions levels higher than where they’d like to see them. This was a very targeted piece of “news,” by the way. Think of the people who use an arena. Okay, are they all in your head? You’ve got people of all ages playing hockey, figure skating, and all their associated people who come to watch, coach, etc. The on air personality of the hour was interviewing a science type, who was informing her of the details of the research, and the science type was reporting this fairly calmly, after all, only 14% had certifiably polluted air. I don’t think he was exuding the type of panic she was looking for, because she blurted out, “But these are our kids playing hockey, what about the children?” Wow, yup, she actually asked “…what about the children?!” OH THE HUMANITY!
It seems they were trying to get all those hockey moms and dads to drag out their legendary rage, and get them all excited to jump all over this issue.
The report also included an interview with a concerned parent – and I’m sure they had a hard time finding one of those – who stated that they were worried for their kids’ health, about them breathing in fumes, and stated that there is really nothing they could do about it, short of buying a new electric ice cleaning machine, and those cost like, $80K, unlike the good old gas chuggin’ air pollutin’ bargain of $40K. Hey sheeple – raise some money, aren’t the precious little ones worth a bit of time on a fundraising bingo, bake sale or rummage sale?

Sheeple Watching

2007-03-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

Oh, the senseless Sheeple, they’ll be the ruin of us all!
Two things: Energy saving light bulbs and energy conservation.
In most cases, these would be part of the same discussion – but not today boys and girls, I’ve got a separate bee to pick on each one of these.

Sheeple date: March 22, 2007
For all intents and purposes, a fabulous day. The weather was mild, the morning had that unmistakable warm smell that signifies spring. But the pisser here is that on this date I heard two stories on the CBC that made me want to strangle someone – and I’m not a violent person… really! I’m not.

Dumb story #1
Energy Saving light bulbs – those happy, fabulous little inventions that have cut my own personal power consumption by a large portion; fantastic little catalysts for change among the sheeple, to help them see the error of their Walmart-style wasteful life choices. These are a great little item, really, they are! BUT: the CBC got hold of an audio clip of some guy talking about a 4 inch flame that came shooting out of one of these bulbs. And it became a whole story on the safety issues of these bulbs.

First, buddy there needs to take it easy on whatever hallucinogenic aids he makes part of his everyday routine, four inches? Come ON! Secondly, these bulbs have been around for years and a single reported incident like this becomes major news and we all know what major news means - - it leads fear amongs the sheeple, which grows instantly to paranoia, and their bleating, “My babies, what about the children?!” Mass hysteria, sheeple gone wild. I have even heard today that one particular member of the flock has become less interested in using these light bulbs since this story broke.

A “reputable” news source like the CBC really needs to be held accountable for sensationalizing crap in order to get the listeners all riled up. They need to present a balanced look at these stories which can lead to upsetting the livestock who are bound to get their feedbags in a knot about such nonsense.
It’s maddening, really it is.

Dumb story #2

I can’t blame the CBC for this one, they are just telling it like it is. On the same day as that fabulous light bulb panic, they aired a story about Toronto Hydro who, although is impressed with our efforts and victories in the area of energy conservation, will be introducing a hike in price due to our aforementioned savvy energy conservation. It appears that when we waste less energy, we buy less energy, and I guess they weren’t prepared for that brilliant leap of logic. Since a large number of us have managed to control our usage, they will be making less money, so they’ve announced that they will be charging us more anyway, in order to meet their targets. Great! Conserve energy – save the planet, and oh yes, we’re going to increase your rates to provide us with an amount of money which is suspiciously similar to the amount that you saved by cutting your consumption. Suspiciouly similar, you ask? Damn straight, it’s actually the same amount.

In conversations with individuals who are not card-carrying herd members, a logical solution has emerged. Since the sheeple will always waste what is plentiful and cheap and since our energy is subsidized in Ontario, it seems to make damn fine sense to charge consumers a rate that reflects what a kilowatt is really worth. Then, idiots who don’t give a shit will be racking up large energy bills, which might inspire them to think about their wasteful ways (and I used the term “think” loosely). Another snappy idea is to offer rebates to reward conservation efforts by civilians.

merry knitty feltmas!

2006-12-16T09:21:00.000-08:00

some things I've recently finished for xmas - and an old bag i've felted just because... (that's the orange one)

Good Night, Sweet Ed

2006-07-21T09:34:00.000-07:00

On July 18 we lost our Eddie. Incidentally, this is my birthday as well, and losing a loved one has to be the last way I'd choose to mark my birthday.
It was breakfast time, and my brother had just made me a fabulous birthday breakfast spread... we were sipping mimosas when Don yelled to me. Ed was under the couch, and not breathing well at all.
We rushed to the emerg clinic and I ran in, thinking I had it all under control, but when I had to speak, I started to cry, and a garbled, "MY CAT'S NOT BREATHING RIGHT!" or something similar fell out of my mouth. They rushed him in and started him on puffers (thinking maybe he was asthmatic) and put him on oxygen immediately.
Later in the day, after xrays turned up nothing, they did an ultrasound, and found that he had heart disease, with scarring as evidence of prior minor attacks.
This one had thrown a blood clot to his legs and lungs, leaving him without the use of his legs and a lung filled with fluid.
I kept thinking, wow, this is really serious, and at least now we know what's wrong, so we can watch for it when we take him back home... but as the day wore on, the painful truth became more and more evident. Eddie was not coming home with us.
It was past midnight when we decided to put an end to Ed's suffering, he wasn't going to be able to breathe on his own, and even if he could, by this time his back legs were of no use. We couldn't make him hang on and suffer through this without hope of regaining his prior quality of life. We had spent a lot of tears that day, in fear that we'd have to face this decision, but it had to be. We said goodbye to him about 12.30 - so far the hardest thing either of us has had to do.

It's been more than a month now, and I'm not sure that I actually believe it happened. It seems so surreal, and so wrong. I had never expected to lose Ed first. He was only 10 years old. It somehow made more sense to me that Lucy, our older cat, or Ender, our dog, would be the first to go... not Ed. It took us by surprise, really knocking the wind out of us. For a couple of weeks afterwards, I just felt exhausted. I am still having the hardest time at night, when I expect him to come pouncing up onto the bed, to sleep on our pillows (strategically placing himself as far from the dreaded dog as possible)
Sometimes I swear I hear his scratchy little meow (a la "Cartman" from South Park) or see his white and silver shape out of the corner of my eye. The dog has stopped peering around corners, deciding that his great white nemesis has left him alone, but I still find myself looking for him, expecting him to be there.
We surely miss Ed, he filled a big space in our family, and we know he will never be replaced. Even though I desparately want this to make some sense, I think I have realized that there is no sense to be made of it, no happy twist to the story, because I have never believed most of those fairy tales anyway.
A good friend told me this past weekend that there is an old Indian (native North American, I'm assuming) story that says our pets will be waiting to greet us when we die. I'd like to believe that, but it will be some time before I can test that theory out.

Ed, my first "Mister," I miss you little Man.

Sara Tavares at Lula Lounge

2006-07-12T06:56:00.000-07:00

I had the best chill night last night with my sister - we went to Lula Lounge to see Sara Tavares perform. She has a fabulous voice, and for anyone interested in music from around the world, she's one to check out - she sings in Portuguese, and the music has definate african and latin vibes to it... it's amazing!
Click here for info

St Lawrence trip

2006-06-27T10:19:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we were in Brockville to dive the St Lawrence river - we did 4 dives on three wrecks - one of which was a working dive towards our advanced level - - and it was a BLAST!
We were a bit nervous about the trip, because all the research we had done before hand put such emphasis on the current in the river, we were a bit unsure of what we were getting ourselves into. But the day we were there, the river was kind, the sun was shining - it was a perfect setting for a new experience.
We were also a bit intimidated by the rest of our diving group - all much more experienced than us, most of them were dive masters. But the group was great, and especially Dave and Julie, who took us under their wing to help us learn about the river.
We saw three wrecks: the Lillie P, the Daryaw and the Gaskin.
The Daryaw was a deep dive, and a huge boat - the buoy line brought us first to two HUGE props at the stern.
The Lillie P was a lot of fun - we dove this one twice (on one tank!) They call this the "merry-go-round," because, after poking around the shipwreck, you can swim to an area just off the boat, catch the current and drift around sparrow island. There is a yellow line you need to watch for - and GRAB IT - because if you don't you'll be swooshed around the island, and out into the shipping channel. We grabbed the line the first time - stopped, waited for the boat to come back, and while waiting, decided we had enough air in our tanks to do it again. If the boat had come back, we would have swapped to a new tank for our second dive, which would have given us more time to poke around the wreck. My first dive I was so busy trying to pay attention to the current, that I barely saw the shipwreck. After I was comfortable in the current, I was able to pay better attention to the ship, but wished I had more air. I used about 1500 psi per dive. Ah - but the fun part is this - once you grab that line, do your safety stop (being blown by the current like laundry on a line!)and ascend - you are at the edge of sparrow island - a rocky little globule of an island. It's here that you need to toss your fins up the rocks, and climb out - and potentially right across the island to do it again. We took a break, waiting for said boat, but most people hike across the island right away. And, even after our break, we did the hike, tanks et al on our backs - loads of fun on unstable terrain. But we all made it safely, and slipped back into the water.
We had a great day on the water, the charter operators were great - they had the best dive boat I'd seen, the first deck being totally enclosed, and the upper "sundeck" complete with bbq and stereo speakers!

I need to get back to Brockville, there are more wrecks to see, and it's such a great dive environment!!

Swimming and the end of home reno?

2006-05-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

We're just on the brink of June and the weather has been hot for some time now. My pool is open, and we've even had a handful of sticky days in a row to be able to swim.
We're almost done our bathroom too - which is great news, because it's getting too hot, and the project has dragged on too long now. We were mentally finished with it weeks ago, yet physically we still have to slog away at it. Now the ceiling is painted, the walls are primed and ready for paint and the floor is almost tiled. The bath has been tiled and in use for over two months now, and the shower tiles need grouted when the floor gets grouted. We have yet to put the cabinets together (Ikea - after the kitchen and the bedroom wardrobe, I could do those in my sleep!) and then we'll need to order the counter top and the glass for the shower.

When we embarked on this project, boy were we naive! We seriously underestimated the amount of time, sweat and frustration that would come with completely gutting and enlarging our existing bathroom. Plus, it's been a tough go on top of our regular 9-5 type jobs.
Soon our hard labour will pay off, and if you come by our place, you will see the two LAZIEST people alive, just reading by the pool, flopping about in the pool, and enjoying some cold "ones."

At least that's the plan...

Home is where my Lucy is!

2006-02-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Lucy came into my life almost 12 years ago, in May. My boyfriend and I had just moved into our first apartment together, and decided we needed a “little one” to make it feel more like a home. I had found an ad boasting kittens that were free to a good home – surely we’d be a good home! We worked together at the time, and our boss was gracious enough to let us leave early together that day, and speed through rush hour traffic. We had found out when we called about this little kitty that she was the last one left from the litter, and that three other couples had planned to come and pick her up.
I ran up to the front door and pushed the doorbell. The man who answered the door said that we’d got there first, and he went to go get the kitten. When he returned to the door, my eyes locked gaze with the brilliant yellow eyes of the kitten in his grasp. I was smitten at first sight! He passed her to me, and the next thing I remember I was sitting in the passenger side of the car introducing her to Don.
The man came out to the car and mentioned that she was litter trained, and bade her farewell. I must have been grinning like a fiend. I wonder if he doubted our abilities as “cat people?”
We brought our feisty little bundle home, and she promptly dove under the futon. It was a very obvious choice of cover, since it was the only piece of furniture we had been able to afford at that point. Because I had the next two days off, I was able to spend quite a lot of time lying on the carpet with my head sideways, talking to this stunning little nymph who absolutely refused to leave her hideout. Eventually we struck a bargain, and she started walking around the place like she owned it – I’ve been happy since to claim that any house of mine is owned by my Lucy first!
Lucy and I bonded very closely, and from her very early days, she would sleep nestled in my hair, kneading the back of my neck with her paws (and yes, sometimes claws!) You’d never see me happier than when I was lying in bed with my kitten scratching the back of my neck.
As a kitten, she was a wild thing, who routinely leapt through the apartment at a height of about 4 feet off the ground. She obsessed about nailholes in the walls – and used to jump at them for hours. She also used to call spiders down - - well, she’d call to them, and I’d have to thwack them down for her to play with – come to think of it, she was really calling me.
She has a different meow for different occasions – a very distinct “TUNA NOW” meow, a special meow to call Ed (our other cat), a lonely, “where are you??” meow, and a very distinct “come find me” meow, among others. She also has a fabulous purr- like a finely tuned Japanese sportscar, it’s tight and buzzy.
Even now, after the addition of another cat and a dog to our little family – I’ve not had such a bond with another animal before.

Well, I didn't vote for you!

2006-01-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

I went to bed dreading an outcome that's been confirmed this morning, by logging onto the beloved CBC... our Prime Minister is now Stephen Harper.
Thanks to dimwits everywhere, voting as a kneejerk reaction to propaganda surrounding a liberal scandal, there is potential that we about to see abysmal changes to this country we call home. Under a Harper government we may see very Canadian staples like the CBC, government sponsored healthcare, our privelege NOT to participate in silly war activities like our neighbours to the south - oh yeah, and our basic human rights. After these changes, I suppose we can just call it America instead.
Sure he's proposing tax cuts, but all the money in the GST won't pay for what he's threatened to take away. Most everyone can afford to pay a %7 tax on items they purchase, but definately not everyone can afford to pay for access to healthcare. But, Stephen Harper and his corporate buddies can, so I guess that's what matters most.
At least only a portion of us lost our heads, and they are only a minority government. We'd better hold on and pay attention - we're in for quite a ride...

The Half Baked Sundae

2006-01-09T19:24:00.000-08:00

Yup, it's all in the name -don't ask - how else could we have come up with this?!
Anyway, for a fabulous munchie of your own, try this!

Mix up some cookie dough, preferably something with chocolate chips. Bake whatever dough has escaped being eaten as raw dough. Take the cookies out of the oven BEFORE they are totally done - they will be slightly crispy at the very edges and very soft and melty in the centre.
Serve warm cookie over small scoop of ice cream (it's okay, I said "small scoop," see?) Delish! The melty cookie softens the ice cream and this is sooo yummy! Plus, depending on how much raw dough was consumed, you might even have some cookies left over to eat the next day! (a la suggested serving on the package)

cheers!

My Grandma Pat

2006-01-09T12:19:00.000-08:00

This was something I had written for a yoga magazine contest - they asked for a piece of writing about a person you have met that emodies what it is to be a yogi. I wrote the piece, and, true to my fashion, did not procure a FREAKIN' STAMP in time to send it... (I never seem to have a stamp when I need one, does this happen to anyone else? I'd like to see a new system, one where each address has a code of some sort, and all outgoing mail can be billed to an account associated with that code... but that's a theory for another day.)
I thought I'd post this here, just because this is where things of a typed nature should be. So, without further ado, enjoy:

They say, “Children and animals know things.”
Even as a young child, I knew that my Grandma Pat was a bright light, a precious gift. I feel blessed to have had her in my life. I was too young while she was alive to know that she was the first yogi I’d met. It’s only now that I’ve begun my own study of yoga, that I realize she was far ahead of me on the path already.
She was gentle, loving and patient. Her presence did not COMMAND attention, her ways were far less intrusive. Instead, you felt compelled to take notice, to take in every word, to be touched by her energy. Whatever was brought to you by her presence or her voice was a small gift to be cherished forever.
Pat exuded strength. She was widowed early, left alone to raise four boisterous boys, and their princess-come-tomboy sister. (my mother) She was loving, patient and handled conflict with endless equanimity, her mantra being, “This too shall pass.” She passed her wisdom and ways on to my mother, and I find myself striving to live up to them as well.
She was a teacher throughout her life, and in her last teaching position she worked closely with new immigrants, not only teaching them English, but helping them acclimatize to their new country, often on her own time.
My Grandma Pat was a great lover of life, nature and the universe. She adored violets, sculpting the clay she dug from her garden, and watching the lake beside her house. She had a profound respect for everything from the smallest insect to the vastness of the night sky. Some of my best memories include evenings spent curled up with her on the couch watching Carl Sagan on Cosmos.
She even had a bit of a physical practice, yet I doubt she would have called it yoga. From a very young age, her parents had her go outside every day to do breathing exercises, regardless of weather. And her physical exercise was comprised mainly of a series of stretching movements, which, looking back at it now, were very rooted in yoga.

There are many times I find myself thinking of her in the quiet that comes to me at the end of my practice. It is in these moments when I feel close to her again, where I feel a connection with her thanks to the balanced calm. Although I only had her in my life for ten years, she has been a part of me always. And although I have always recognized how special she was to me, it has not been until I began my yoga practice that I have rediscovered a connection with her and learned the one word which acknowledges her for what she was. I think of her each time I say it: Namaste.

Go On, ask me if I feel targeted!

2006-01-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've noticed a curious and not completely undisturbing phenomenon. I'll be out shopping, for groceries, at the drugstore, at IKEA for dog's sake, and I'll hear some catchy tune from my youth, blaring over the speakers. I first noticed it when I was walking up an aisle at the grocery store, and they were playing Duran Duran. Then, as I started paying attention, I noticed that many places where I was spending my money were playing the songs I knew all too well. Cure, New Order, Duran Duran, Banarama, the Go-Gos, early Madonna, A-Ha... the list goes on. I think I heard Spandau Ballet somewhere the other day.
Now this is not the music I currently listen to, but it was at one point... and the more I started thinking about it, the more I realized that I'm now part of somebody's (many people's, apparently) target market. That's a creepy feeling, when you really think about it.
I remember chuckling to myself and friends about bad seventies make-out music and all that happy-crappy fifties stuff, or Elvis, being played in such places... but now, I'm just lumped in with the rest of those old folks, those of us with increased disposable income, and decreased youth.
Yes, it makes me feel like I have a bullseye on my back, but I guess it also means that I'm getting older, something I can't do anything about.
So I might as well just grin and bear it, and hum along with Culture Club, OMD and all those other golden oldies!

questions

2006-01-05T18:21:00.000-08:00

When did I stop creating?

>>full time job - - I began wanting things and places

That's when
Misplacing value, putting it where it does not belong.

At the same time, I stopped having fun, being fun, being silly...
and shifted focus to what others thought about my actions, my words

although they were all mine!

This must be what it is to grow up?

Can it be undone?

Green

2006-01-05T18:16:00.000-08:00

Feels smooth and alive, and tastes clean and sweet, a bit sharp.
Rumoured to be the colour most easily processed by the human brain, and that our blood appears green at a certain depth beneath water.
Green bounces: my cat's green eyes watching a green ball

Green is giving, sharing, growing - - how odd the ancients decided it should represent envy, and the almight dollar in the south.

Green is toy slime, rolled beneath my five year old hands
The christmas jello with the cabbage in it.
A praying mantis named Eunice, my pride and joy for a brief summer.

The crunch of a tart apple covered with soft caramel.

Rude numbers on my alarm clock.

Sweet smelling grass to lie in.
Dry rasp of palms blowing in a tropical wind.
Fresh basil and Lime

Lush

My Halifax adventure!

2005-11-13T15:44:00.000-08:00

I spent this past weekend in Halifax Nova Scotia visiting my friend, who is studying at Dalhousie U. It was so great! I had never been to Halifax before, but more importantly, I cannot remember the last time I've had so much time to spend with Michelle! I may have never had this much time to spend with Michelle before this.
I arrived on friday night, and Michelle met me at the airport. After a long ride on the airport shuttle, we had a yummy dinner back at her place and talked for a long, long, long time... oh yeah, we drank some wine :) (we're good at that, aren't we?)
The next day, we were up early and went to the farmer's market - which was such a cool experience! It's held in an older portion of the Alexander Keith's brewery - and it winds around like a little maze, every corner turning up new musicians, delicious sights and smells, wicked coffee, and the best damn cinnamon roll I've every had! So we just wandered through the market, talking and taking it all in, and then we headed for the harbour in the bitter cold, but I had so much fun!
It's a beautiful city and of course, it was great to spend the time with Michelle.
Later in the day, she gave me a tour of the lab where she works at Dalhousie, and that was just fascinating! Brains, and slides and microscopes, oh my!
Saturday night was an appetizer gathering with friends at her place before dinner at the Fireside, it was really a great evening, and a very happy weekend overall.

Thank you Michelle for the hospitality, I had such a wonderful time!
Hope we can meet up over xmas (I will have a room ready for you and Samuel!)

curious cat/dog happenings

2005-11-13T15:35:00.000-08:00

So, once Lucy was back to her normal self, we had a very odd evening of animal happenings. Just to introduce this evening's cast: Ender is a 3 year old lab, and Lucy and Eddie are my two cats.
SO, my brother and I were sitting on the couch petting Lucy when she began some very strange behaviour. The cats are not typically fond of their brutish brother, Ender, and they usually try to avoid even eye contact with him at all costs. This night however, Lucy began sitting and staring at Ender for long periods of time - just staring, no emotion involved, staring steadily as if she were practicing a jedi mind trick. This did something to Ender, because he sat their whimpering and fidgeting the whole time Lucy was staring at him. And she did this from several points in the room, she moved around, and from each new spot, just sat staring. For one of the staring sessions she was about a foot from his head, on the floor in front of the couch he was sitting on. She also jumped onto the arm of said couch, and finally up on the back of it as well. This was far too much for Ender, he thought she was really going to kill him this time, so he left the room.
But later that night, with all five of us in the bed, Eddie left the bed, and went downstairs and was MEOOOOOOWING and MEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWING quite a bit. The next sound we heard was a tennis ball DROPPING beside the bed. Ender had not brought one to bed with him, Eddie had brought the tennis ball up from downstairs and dropped it by the bed... an offering? An attempt to get the big brown canine off the bed? That is more likely.
Lying in bed, I thought, what can it all mean? I thought we had reached a turning point in their relationship, maybe cats were making peace with dog and the world would be a better place...
When I awoke the next morning, I realized that, in fact, hell had not frozen over, and life was back to "normal" once again, with cats hissing and stepping out of the way of the big brute... so I will never know what thoughts were passing through the collective kitty mind that night...

EXTRA, EXTRA, Read all about it: "Boy" Saves Cat!

2005-11-09T06:17:00.000-08:00

We arrived back from Jamaica on a saturday evening, about 5.30, and we had planned to check in on the animals, and then go to rent about 3 or 4 movies, and complete our vacation by vegging on the couch with our two cats and our dog.
When we walked in, my aunt was here - her car was not... at first, I was really happy to see her, gave her a happy greeting and a big hug - and then I started wondering... why is she here? She began by saying, "Lucy is okay, BUT..."
And from this point, the previous week was gone temporarily from my head.
She explained that the dog must have been chasing the cat (a regular occurance in our house) and Lucy must have tried to hide behind the plethora of crap we have in the basement, and between the two of them a big heavy cutting board (it's really more like a two inch thick BLOCK of wood) fell on Lucy. That's at least the commonly accepted lore of what happened, because there seems to be no other explanation. I'm so lucky that my brother was home when this happened, because he heard the big noise and went to see what happened, and when he found her, she was bleeding a LOT from the nose, eye, mouth area, and sort of stumbling around. He says she began going into shock almost immediately, and he rushed her to the emergency vet. They worked on her there overnight, and he moved her to her regular vet the next day. She was still pretty groggy when we got home, which was three days after her bonk on the head - and she hadn't been eating.
My poor Luce seemed to progress each day, my brother had already seen improvements since bringing her home, and from the point that I got home, we only saw improvement. It had happened on the wednesday night, and by the monday evening, she was playing a bit -swatting at my bookmark while I moved it in front of her... and on tuesday, when I came home to have lunch with her, she ate some havarti cheese and some chicken broth! I was on cloud nine! I was so happy she was eating!
So from there, she has gotten back to my good old Lucy - she sleeps with me every night, she comes to say hi when I call her...
I consider myself very lucky that my brother took such expert care of his little feline-neice, and that she is a strong kitty as well!

On Jamaica time!

2005-11-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

In October, we went to Jamaica to celebrate our friend's birthday - and it just so happened that we left the day after our anniversary - so we could say we were celebrating that too.
We stayed at the Riu Negril in Jamaica, and it was incredible! We only made it out diving one day, because of the recent hurricane action down there - and it happened to be the last possible day we could dive, and the first day the dive boat had gone out in over a week. I consider us lucky there.
On our first dive, I did something completely stupid. As we were descending, I let go of the anchor line, figuring I'd just sink as normal - not accounting for the current, and the extra neoprene and the weight I'd gained - long story short, I didn't have enough weights on to get down, and the current pushed me right away from the anchor line. At this point, I fought the current to get back to the boat and grab more weights, my buddy (my boyfriend, pretty ticked by this point) waiting for me the whole time. When we finally did descend, no more than 5 minutes since my first attempt at sinking - the divemaster had left! He and the group were nowhere to be seen! Visibility was not great, maybe only about 30 feet or less, so we could not see them anywhere once we made it to the anchor! He just took off without us, and at this point, I was wondering if he realized where he had lost two people from his group. Don and I just swam around the anchor line, seeing what we could see, but we were only 30feet down, so that wasn't much. He was really disappointed in me, and rightly so, like I said, it was stupid, but we were both really pissed with this divemaster, especially when he said (afterwards, back on the boat) "What happened to you? I saw you float away from the line?!" I thought, holy crap, buddy, isn't it your job to make sure everybody gets down and back up safely?
I've been diving for a while now, and I've never done anything this stupid before, but I've also seen divemaster after divemaster, counting heads, and keeping the group in line.
We went on a second dive with the same divemaster, and another guy had trouble descending this time. You should have seen how quickly this guy swam up to help him - he knew he had messed up with me on the first dive. But later on that dive, the divemaster just swam ahead of the group, expecting everyone to follow, and sure enough, two of the newbie divers decided to swim after something that caught their eye, and the divemaster didn't even notice! It was my boyfriend who called them back, and by this time, they were so far away that all I could see were goggles when they turned when being called back. This guy was just plain irresponsible.
In spite of all that, I did get to see a turtle, my first one on a dive! So, that was incredibly exciting in itself.
As for the resort, I didn't really care for it, it wasn't awful, but it didn't really set itself apart in any way - well, except for the food. I have to say that of all the resorts I've stayed at in Cuba, Dominican and Jamaica, the food here ranked the lowest. Not much selection, poor availability (most resorts at least have a grill going for the late night and in-between snacks...)
But I really loved Negril, it seemed more laid back, less congested than Montego Bay, and I would return to the area, I'd just stay at a different resort.

Happy Birthday Aaron!

2005-11-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

The much rumoured, but rarely duplicated (thank goodness) Skeletor Cake!

Nobody likes a know-it-all

2005-09-30T10:58:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, driving to work, I was listening to a bit on the CBC about intelligent design - some ridiculous piece of weaponry in the arsenal of the anti-evolutionists.
Intelligent Design (referred to ID) proposes that the theory of evolution is faulty because it cannot explain EVERYTHING. ID faults evolution for not explaining every last little detail, like highly complex and repetitive patterns in nature. The ID-ologists proclaim that because there are so many repetitive complex patterns occuring in animal, mineral and vegetable alike, they must have been "designed" with intent by some conscious being.
All I can think of in reply is, "COME ON!" Of course we don't know EVERYTHING! And it's not the fault of any theory anywhere - we're human beings! I'm fairly positive that at this particular place in our development (or evolution, of you will) we are not capable of knowing or discovering EVERYTHING, and that's okay...
True intelligence is being able to admit when you don't understand or know something. It's the drive to keep searching, keep experimenting and wondering. It is NOT the ability to say, "I don't know, therefore, it must be magic," which, is essentially what this ID guesstimate gives us.
If we can't comprehend all the mysteries and complexities that exist all around us and inside us, we do not have to come up with some imaginary friend or process responsible for it all.
And, if that's how you personally deal with the unknown, well, that's fine, we all have our own take on the world. But consider that this story of Intelligent design is being taught in some schools, along side other curriculum such as evolution, gravity and algebra. Outside of a mythology class or a comparative religion study, this sort of story telling does not have a place in any school.

As a species, we have learned so much over our lifetime; and we have much more to learn. It makes me cringe to think that someone could give up that easily - just point their finger at a mystical, unknown source, with no evidence other than the fact that our species hasn't uncovered a theory of EVERYTHING!
And, it makes me sad to think that there are so many people out there willing to take the wonder of out everyday life as well. Should we be in such a rush to know all that there is to know that we just start making it up as we go?

Laser Eye surgery, anyone?

2005-02-28T16:08:00.000-08:00

Is there anyone out there who has had experience with corrective laser eye surgery? Or do you know anyone who has? I'm seriously considering having it done in Toronto - and I'd appreciate any feedback I can get, good or bad.

Anyone?

What's in the box?

2005-02-26T09:31:00.000-08:00

Today, my Lucy taught us a lesson. We had scheduled her a vet appointment, and getting her to the vet is always a traumatic event for all involved. Lucy is quite the ninja, so to get her into the cat carrier normally involves lots of chasing, pleading, a ruse or two, and a great deal of frustration on our part. For Lucy, it's full of fear, vomit (and other outputs) and fancy moves with her ginsu claws.
We decided that we'd prefer to avoid all of that if we could, and try to get her to the vet a different way this time. Don decided that we should just put a harness and leash on her and try to carry her to and from the car. A few puncture wounds later, he came to the conclusion that would not work as planned.
Last night, my brother had been playing with Lucy in a cardboard box - she adores cardboard boxes - and he mentioned how easy it had been to carry her around the house in the box, and maybe we should try the box to get her to the vet. We took his advice, and gave it a try - and my Lucy was so calm, her breathing didn't change, she just sat in her box, peeking out the top when she wanted. I was stunned. We'll be taking her to the vet in her cardboard box every time now.
She must feel more in control, because there is no door being locked on her, and when she wants out, she just sits, up, looks around and ducks back in.
I have to admit, this involved a lot of trust on my part. I was worried that she'd escape, rush into traffic, getting harmed, lost, or worse. But she showed us that if we just gave her a bit of freedom, that she was much more comfortable, and she wasn't interested in getting away.

So, next time you are trying to fold a feline into a crate, and the claws and the curses are flying - try a bit of trust and a simple cardboard box instead. It may work for you the way it worked for us! (I still recommend the harness and leash!)

Underestimating happiness

2005-02-12T07:38:00.000-08:00

How many people experience true happiness in their daily lives? Think about your life. When was the last time you were truly happy, full of joy, beaming a giant smile?
Next time you are busy rushing about your day, stop, and take a look around you and take notice of the expressions on the faces around you. Can you tell what they are feeling?
When I look around me, I see a range of expressions, mostly bored, hurried, frustrated.
In our constant hurry-up culture, people always seem to be thinking of the next thing, where they are headed, what they are late for, what to make for dinner. Very few of us actually reside in the current moment. I find myself in the same state, every day, and I'm working to change it.
Someone once told me that we can only find happiness in the present moment and I know this is true.
I had spent a large part of my younger life feeling that it was "cheesey" to be really happy, that it was dumb, or proved that I wasn't an intellectual. Boy, was I wrong and dumb at the same time! I was afraid to find happiness for the sake of happiness because I thought it would make me look shallow. Maybe there are others like me out there - I hope not. If I found out that only I had made that stupid, dumb mistake, then I'd be very happy!
I do wonder though if other people try to make a conscious effort to fit happiness into their day. I know what it's like to be swept away by waves of "should dos" and "have tos" and "can't be lates."
Maybe I was a late learner - but if there are other people out there who are being drowned by all
of these demands and expectations, I have one word of advice: breathe.
I have learned this through my yoga practice, and I've found it to be invaluable advice. Breathe, I mean it. Pay attention to your breath and nothing else. Don't change it, just let it flow as it normally does. You'd be amazed at how happiness will find you when you take yourself out of the rat race for a moment.
And if I'm cheesey and shallow for saying it, then so be it.

S.

busy buzzings, and Metric rocks!

2005-02-10T16:55:00.000-08:00

Wow, I haven't entered anything new here in a LOOONG time. Last time was summer, which, in light of the cold weather today seems very VERY far away.
Since I last entered anything, we've got thru xmas, we went to Banff for a brief holiday (most of which I was sick) and I've learned to knit, which is currently occupying much of my thoughts - that and V-Day, being part of the floral industry.
I'm amazed at how much I'm enjoying knitting. I never would have expected it, but I am really enjoying it. At this point, all I know is the knit stitch, but I can bind off, and I can make stripes with different colours of yarn. I never thought that would excite me so much.
I've read that many people knit who you wouldn't expect to - Laurence Fishburne, for one - enough said.
AND I went to see Metric in concert with my sister - they are incredbile live - if you haven't seen them and you're looking for a great night of live music, check them out when they come to a town near you. I'd even suggest that it's worth travelling to a town not near you just to see them!
I've also had my interest in yoga renewed, thanks to a teacher at a local studio - I seem to have found my connection to it again, and it is wonderful to be involved with again. Although with work being so busy over the last couple weeks, I haven't been able to give it the time it needs, I am at the point of doing a practice almost every day, including about 10 minutes first thing in the morning. If I think of it like breakfast, something I can't skip, I usually won't miss it.
Well, as usual, my house is a mess, and my mat and needles are calling me. Time to go do too many things at once. I must try to do more regular entries on my blog.

Two Moose! (or the same moose twice!)

2004-08-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

We just got back from Algonquin Park, after a very VERY cold stay in Kearney Lake campground. One night got as low as 5 degrees, possibly even 3 degrees, if you believe the rumours.
We stayed warm, and mostly went hiking since it was too cold to swim. We discovered some really REALLY great sites to try booking for next year, but I won't give those away now - tune in next year to find out if we got them!
For this stay we were at site 159 in Kearney Lake campground, it was a pretty decent site, despite its proximity to the vault toilets - this only proved to be a problem the day we packed up to leave, methinks the wind must have changed direction that day.
We hiked Spruce Bog, Booth's Rock and Big Pines trails. Booth's Rock was a great trail, we ended up on top of this big rocky cliff, I'll try to post some pictures of that soon.
Ender had a blast, it is rarely too cold for him to swim, and yesterday, Don even went in with him (avec neoprene, mind you) The two of them had found a suitable jumping rock, and they both took a few flying leaps into Lake of Two Rivers. Unfortunately, yesterday was the only gorgeous day we saw, but we had already made up our minds to leave a day early, next time we won't be so eager to get out of there.
Okay, and now for the moose. We saw a moose on two separate occasions (and two separate times)at the side of Highway 60. Now, the second moose looked suspiciously like the first, so we think maybe we ended up seeing the same girl twice. She was about the size of a horse, with nice beigey-grey ears. Both times she was going in for a dip at the water's edge.
The thing you need to know about looking for moose along Highway 60 is that you don't necessarily need to look for moose. What you are looking for is a throng of cars, along both sides of the highway, and people out of their cars armed with cameras and binoculars. Just determine the direction they are looking in, turn your attention in the same direction and voila, wildlife.
It's that simple.
We did notice that many of the leaves had started to turn - I don't blame them - thanks to the cold temperatures.
We also found a great dog beach at Canisbay Lake campground - Ender met a couple of females there that were as determined as Ed that Ender was beneath them. They both put him in his place quite a few times. In all fairness, Ender had been playing at the beach before they showed up for about two hours, so he had already used up quite a bit of energy before he was forced to defend himself. This dog beach has a beautiful view of the lake, just blue water surrounded by hills of trees, as far as you can see.
I think that's what I like so much about Algonquin Park - the fact that from almost any point in the park, we could see an undulating growth of trees surrounding us.
And may I also send my compliments to my chef, Don. Over our campfire, he made mouthwatering steaks and pork chops - and for breakfast, he made omelettes, hash browns, and fluffy pancakes! YUM The food is another of my favourite parts of camping!

If you have never been to Algonquin Park, I strongly suggest it. It's the best place I've been in Ontario - but remember your mittens and toque! (I'm not kidding, I wished I had brought mine for this trip!)

That's all for now...

And Now we are Thirty

2004-07-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well, what can I say - I've had a birthday that has launched me well beyond any misconception of still being a kid - I've hit 30.
When you're a twenty-something, you still think of yourself as young-ish, students are in their 20's for crying out loud. When you're twenty, you still have a close enough connection to the educational system, albeit the tertiary education system, but even that remains as a tenous last bastion of youth.
Now that I'm thirty, I get the impression that I should be a grown-up... you always think of things you'll do "...when you grow up..." and then WHAM! Someday being grown up just slaps you in your slowly settling ass and says "HA! I'm here -you're all grown up now!"
Now? So fast? (...are we there yet?)

All those years I spent trying to be so grown up and mature - fighting against my waning childhood with all my might. Now I just want it back. I don't think I want to grow up. And if it's happened to me already, well then, I just won't accept - I'll call Do over! home free, and no touchbacks.

Is it because I haven't done any of those typical "grown up" things, like get married, have a honeymoon and have kids? Is that why I don't feel like a grown up? I have a house - and my own little family ("...oh there are five beings in my family...") a very significant significant other, two cats and a dog.

Does anyone ever truly "feel" like a grown up? I wonder, if all those other grown ups out there still think of themselves as big kids, still loving life and trying to treat every day as an adventure? There is no way for me to know, I can only hope that they do.

For my thirtieth birthday, I spent the day swimming up north in Georgian Bay, jumping off high rocks (and low rocks) into the water with my boyfriend and my dog - I sure felt like a kid, even if the concept of time says differently.

Here's to the inner kid in all of us, and may they never grow old.

Turning Anger to Action

2004-07-11T07:30:00.000-07:00

Sacre Vache, that's a hard movie to watch... hard to watch, but I hope EVERYBODY sees it!
We went to see Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 yesterday - and I have never had a movie affect me in this way. I was so angry, and sad and frightened by the whole thing, and then angry some more. It was stupefying - I came out of there feeling like there was nothing to say. I think I needed some time to digest everything that had been burned into my brain.
Kudos to you, Mike, this is a really moving film - I certainly hope that it moves people to action, because that is exactly what I felt leaving there - I felt that I have to DO SOMETHING! And, as though he knew this was the feeling the film would elicit, Mike in all his wisdom chose to display his own website url beneath the text "Do Something"
So, I urge anyone who is a sentient being to see the movie, visit Michael's website, and Do Something.
Now that it's the morning after seeing the film, and I have had time to process what I saw, I have realized that all those feelings of anger and sadness and helplessness that first hit me watching the movie have turned to feelings of hope. If we can all get just as angry, and use that energy for something positive, we will be able to make a difference.
And it doesn't apply to just this scenario - everything that you feel passionate about, be it animal welfare, the environment, healthcare, child labour - you name it - if you are passionate enough to feel angered by something, you have the energy to put to good use and bring about change.

Fair Trade

2004-07-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

Have you ever stopped to think about the people around the world who provide us with the everyday goods we take for granted in our indulgent lifestyles?

Many of the items we buy were manufactured, produced or grown in a country other than our own – and in many cases this means that the people doing the labour to provide us with these products can’t even afford to buy what they produce. Everything from coffee to chocolate, to cotton, to electronic equipment can be produced in various countries around the world at a fraction of the labour it would cost to produce here. Of course this is good news for big business – but is it good news for the people who are being paid those fractions of wages?

And there are issues outside of low wages as well - many companies have little care for the ecosystems they operate in, particularly if the head office is in a different continent. Animals and environments can also be endangered by big business in the third world.

As consumers, we all make choices everytime we purchase a product or service. Here are some websites you can check out to become a more educated consumer:

Click here to go to the Oxfam Canada site

Click here to go to the Rainforest Alliance site

And this is just a start - the more you investigate, the more you'll see how each of us has the power to make educated and responsible choices to make a difference.

Friends and Fellowbloggers - Ender Wiggin

2004-06-27T18:43:00.001-07:00

This blog belongs to my dog

In Dog we Trust

2004-06-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

A Dog's unconditional love saves the day!

I found this story very interesting, although not entirely surprising. Thanks to my dog and two cats, I have the privelege of three amazing inter-species friendships. I know that when I get home after a bad day, there are three warm and furry bodies who are always happy to see me, and they cheer me up instantly.
It is unfortunate that this man felt compelled to plan such an act, but I'm grateful that he met a happy pooch who turned him from his planned course of action.

**I posted this in June 2004 - but now the link for the news story is no longer active. It really was an amazing story - a man had entered a park armed with a gun, and had planned to shoot people randomly in the park, when he met a dog. He stopped to pet the dog, and the time he spent with said dog completely changed his mind about committing the crime he had planned. No wonder animals are used in therapy!

Global Tribe

2004-06-23T17:16:00.000-07:00

At times, I find that driving in rush hour traffic is an exhausting exercise in patience. As evidenced by the actions of some drivers, I’m not the only one who feels frustration at the wheel.

It seems that we feel anonymous and important while in our cars, like no one can really see us behind that clear glass. Each car becomes a microcosm, bowing to the command of those inside, their next immediate destination being an urgent objective.

I see this is just one of the many ways our loss of community manifests itself. Once we are enclosed in these capsules of metal, glass and plastic, we are immediately defensive – some go as far as becoming suddenly offensive.

When people are broken down into the individual units of self and/or family, they seem not to identify with the needs and rights of others. The objectives of my tribe become so much greater than those of your tribe, because we are separate.

Our modern world does much to single people out. For example, in a city setting, just look at how hard it is to meet and befriend your neighbors – people aren’t interested in getting to know their immediate community anymore. They have friends and family they can chat remotely with, either by phone or email/internet. As another example, jump on a city bus or train. Even if you see the same people every day for a lengthy commute, very rarely will people talk to each other, let alone even make eye contact

These are situations that seem to arise more in the cities, where people are forced to lead lonely existences in the midst of greatly concentrated populations. Isn’t it unsettling that the place where people can be the loneliest is also the place where they can be surrounded by a sea of bodies, jostling and hurrying about?

It is also in a city setting where you will find a more severe lack of respect for the safety and property of others. This is clear by looking at the number of collisions on busy highways, break-ins, theft, vandalism and assaults.

I am a strong believer that those who can’t suggest a remedy should not complain about any issue. I do admit that the scope of this problem is so huge that it isn’t likely to be solved by a few bits in a blog. I do have a couple of suggestions though:
A) If we all start to think of ourselves and others as belonging to the same great tribe, we might yet see some difference.
B) If you start to build your community from the people you find around you, others may follow your example.

Next time you’re stuck grumbling in traffic, just start to wonder about the destinations of all of the other drivers around you – and and you will see that in the minds where they reside, all of those other goals and deadlines just as important as yours.

?Fiction #763

2004-06-17T21:31:00.000-07:00

Em lives one street over from me, and her grandmother has lived there with her family for as long as I can remember. Em and I have been friends for year, and all of the kids in the neighborhood know and love Em’s grandmother – we all call her Nana.

Nana used to to bake us wonderful treats; she made the most amazing fudge on the face of the planet. But when she started feeling sick, she began to confuse her recipes. At first, we thought she was inventing wild and wonderful creations – she had never added cereal to her fudge before, and that was pretty good. The cookies with jujubes in them were somewhat odd, but not totally distasteful. It was after the appearance of birdseed in the next batch of fudge (that and the first of many of Nana’s random disappearances) that concerned Em’s parents, and they took Nana to see the doctor.

Since then, Nana just hasn’t been herself. She has been restless, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself. Em’s Mom says she spent a lot of time sitting in the garden chattering to the birds. When Nana lived in her own house, Em said she always had a pet bird. Em’s gigantic gray cat, Zeus had kept Nana from getting a bird since she moved here. Now that Zeus was getting old, Em’s Dad doubted he could do any harm to a bird, so they decided to bring one home for Nana.

I was at Em’s for supper the night they told Nana about this idea. We were surrounded by a mosquito haze in the back yard while we had watermelon seed spitting contests - - Nana was very good at this. Em’s Dad broke the news to Nana, and I have never seen an old person so excited, she was like a little child. Her eyes were dancing and she could hardly contain herself. She immediately began a list of names, claiming that, “Of course you can never name a canary before you meet her, but it’s reasonable to have a few names on hand if you’re going to meet a bird who will need a name.”
These were the names on the list:
Maxwell
Alberta
Sugar cube
Clyde
Ollie

The next night, as soon as I finished supper, I raced to Em’s house to meet Nana’s new bird. Em’s parents were going to take Nana to pick up the bird when they finished work that night.

I bounded up the front steps, and paused before I pressed the doorbell. From inside I could hear the canary’s song. Em came to the door, but she looked disappointed. She told me that Nana had taken a bus to the pet store that day while everyone was out and came home with the canary on her own.

Since Nana was so thrilled with her new friend, they decided that she had just been too anxious to wait until everyone came home that day; they just smiled sweetly when they watched the old woman and her new friend. Zeus seemed mildly interested in the new family member, and he hopped up on Nana’s lap to peer into the cage.

Nana had named the bird Sapphire, and the two of them quickly became inseparable. She would put Sapphire’s cage in the garden and chat outside with her all day, and well into the evening. “What a lovely day, eh, little Sapphie? What do you suppose those sparrows are on about over there?”

Every night, Em’s Mom would put Nana and Sapphire to bed, tucking Nana in and placing Sapphire’s cage on the dresser in Nana’s room. The last thing she’d do before closing the door was drape an old shawl over Sapphire’s cage so she wouldn’t interrupt Nana’s much needed sleep.

After about a week, Nana had changed Sapphire’s name to Saffron, claiming it had never been Sapphire, that Saffy was short for Saffron, “…Who would name a canary Sapphire anyway…” she’d exclaim.

Two weeks later, Nana went out again and came home with another canary, this one she named Filbert. Em’s parents decided that two birds shouldn’t be much more work than one, so it was okay to let her keep it. Nana sat between the two cages, twittering happily to the birds, with fat Zeus smiling lazily in her lap.

But as time wore on, Nana would make more trips to the pet store, each time returning with a new friend. There was a Clyde, a Bunch, and an Edna, among others. It seemed that while Nana was out for a walk, she’d decide she wanted a canary as a pet – and completely forget about her growing collection at home. Em said this was part of Nana’s sickness. Nana did seem embarrassed the first couple of times this happened, but as time went on, she didn’t seem to notice. She’d simply decide she wanted a bird, and upon returning home with it, she’d cheerfully introduce it to the rest of her aviary – usually changing some of the names with each introduction.

Because of this, almost our entire class had pet canaries – we even had two in our classroom. Because all of the kids liked Nana so much, they all wanted to help Em’s family find homes for all of Nana’s canaries.

One week, Nana brought home five separate canaries, and Em’s family hadn’t been able to find new homes for them fast enough. Em had put up posters at school, but the number of families looking for a free canary was seriously dwindling.

It was that week that Em came over to tell me that Nana had died. She had died quietly in her sleep, and Em’s Mom had discovered her when she went into the room to wake Nana and her birds for breakfast. Em says it’s how she would have wanted to go, surrounded by birds. When they uncovered the cages, Em said the birds sang softly for the rest of the day.

They decided to keep the last five canaries, in memory of Nana.

Zeus didn’t seem to mind.

Well-read

2004-06-13T13:27:00.000-07:00

Check out this link for an entertaining read.

Friends and Fellowbloggers

2004-06-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

Click here to go to Endothermal's blog

2004-06-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

The most fabulous barefeet of all, my bella Lucy.

Barefeet!

2004-06-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, summer has arrived at long last. I took a trip to the Dominican in April, thinking it would "kickstart" my summer, but it only left me pining for the heat while the confused Canadian spring fizzled itself out. Even now, we have not yet acheived that claustrophobic, drippy-humid heat of high summer, I'm already in full summer mode.
...and it's not just me.
As soon as the temperature rises for a few days, we are quick embrace everything summer. I can't tell you how many chilly nights I've shivered while eating an ice cream cone, because, dogdammit, the snow had melted and the temperature had risen to above 15 degrees celsius! And how many of us have flung ourselves into a lake so cold we could only swim for about 10 minutes before our teeth started shattering and our lips turned blue - just because it's "summer?"
I'm certain this summer frenzy begins with the annual liberation of toes and soles everywhere. Think about it, the second you get your toes in shape for sandal weather, you don't want to wear anything but. I was shopping the other day, and the salesgirl offered me socks, "...they're 3 for 10 dollars..." Poor girl, I just looked at her and told her I didn't plan on needing any new socks for about three months.
In Canada, we spend most of the year with our feet bound up in socks (some of us wear LAYERS of socks) shoes, boots - - and don't get me wrong, I simply adore footwear! But there is something very liberating and calming about setting your feet free for a season.
I propose we celebrate this emancipation with a national holiday - national barefoot day! A day for all of us to spend with grass peeking up between our toes, or digging holes into sand with our feet (and for eating ice cream while snuggling into a cozy sweater!)
We don't typically think very much about our feet, and being barefoot in the summer is about much more than wearing pretty sandals or hanging out at the beach. Nor is it about the hottest new shades of nailpolish, or about donning toe rings and ankle bracelets. The feeling we get when we sink our toes into lush, cool grass, or hot sand allows us to confirm our connection to the earth. Also, by allowing yourself to enjoy this simple pleasure, you give yourself the time to be carefree, and childlike one more time.
So pick grass with your toes, splash in the water, run in the sand, play footsies, do a cartwheel on the lawn, and simply enjoy.
Free your feet and your mind will follow.